Don’t you hate that sometimes in this life we encounter people who misunderstand us? Perhaps they are family members, people in our community, friends or critics of various kinds. Since Second Wind came out, I’ve had emails from readers who tell me about unkindesses they’ve faced in their lives. Some have been judged to be lazy because they are overweight; some have been denigrated in abusive relationships for years before they found a way out; and still others have been through dark and difficult times (like the loss of a loved one) and have had to listen to well-meaning (but misunderstanding) people speak clichés to them which only increased the pain. These same readers have shared with me how running (or other forms of strenuous exercise) has provided a way to come face to face with the self in a fresh way and heal from the pressure to meet other people’s standards.
The thing is, there are voices everywhere telling us who to be—or who not to be. The media are typical culprits, pressuring men and women to behave (i.e., spend money) in a certain way, but there are other voices, too. Every family has expectations of its members, and in some families, if you decide those expectations don’t fit for you, there are high prices to pay in the form of judgment and pressure to re-conform. Even groups of friends (or church communities, work staffs, or volunteer groups) have implicit agreements about the roles each member gets to play. When you decide to step outside of the norm, other people get anxious. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ve either never stepped outside of the expectations others have for you or you’re the only person on the planet who is surrounded by perfectly understanding people who totally support whatever you do and never fail to understand where you’re coming from, and I’m happy for you.
The rest of us live in a world where some people on some days cannot see us, do not want to be curious about who we really are and wish we were more like them. I recently read a review of my book from a reader who hated it. S/he missed the point altogether and accused me of all kinds of things I don’t think are true of how I represented myself in the story. So, like you, the reader of this blog, I have to live with being misunderstood. And how will I do that? Just like you do. We get some time alone on the trails (or in meditation, yoga, hiking, the quiet of a church sanctuary). We remember the irrefutable fact that there are almost seven billion people on earth and some of them simply will not get us, like us or want to be around us. But out of all those seven billion souls there is likely to be a handful who thinks we’re cool. We run/walk/dance/ride to where those people live, get cheered up and then get back to our lives, living as authentically as we know how.
If you, like me, have had a negative voice intrude on your energy or trajectory this week, don’t let it take the wind from your sail. Take heart. You don’t need everyone to love you. You only need a few.
Exercise isn’t a means “to come face to face with the self and heal from the pressure to meat other people’s standards.” Running a marathon is definitely an exercise in meeting standards determined and imposed by others, such as the runners’ outfits, the marathon route, and the presence of timing.
I could certainly see how it could be experienced that way, Ivona. I also know others who feel running a marathon (although a pre-determined distance by an agreed upon definition) and running in general to be a very personal, healing, and liberating experience. I wonder what other readers might say about their commitment to running? Would love to hear a variety of voices on this. It’s an interesting discussion.
I agree with you both. I am a competitive runner. I am not the top tier, but I am not a back of the packer, I would say I am closer to the front of the pack. Things such as distance and time are all determined by the processes of science, which has come to rule in our day and age. The things that we have to get used to such as the running outfit mentioned by Ivona, are all processes of that science making running a more enjoyable liberating experience for everyone.
For me personally, I started running as a means of escape and possibly to alleviate some pressure to always be an athlete in my family. I wanted to run though and that is what has made the difference for me. I fell in love and found a family within the running community and have met so many great people that are up and down the scale of runners. Sure there are times where I feel pressures of meeting certain times and the standards that have been set upon us by others in the community, but I am not going to let those standards get me down at all about the joy I find in running. Nothing, I feel, is greater than a long run, whether it be with others or alone with nature or my cows (see my blog for info on that). There is peace and enjoyment in the factors that make up my life, especially running.
Of course Cami! I don’t mind chiming in! And yeah I thought posting my mileage was a good idea, just a matter of keeping up with it… which could fall back, I am really good about my training journal though so if I fall back I can always go back to that. I have thought about getting in around 2000 miles, but I don’t want to set a goal such as mileage for the year, I am just happy if I go above my mileage for last year, which I am almost positive will happen.
Brandon, this mileage is very impressive! I admire anyone who has the energy and stamina to run, be it short or long distance. I, myself, don’t run and never have, except way back in PE in middle school when we did laps around the schoolyard. I’ve read somewhere that running releases endorphins (the hormone of pleasure) and that a runner can become sort of addicted to the pleasurable feeling brought on by the released endorphins.
Do any of you feel happy-high when running?
Absolutely, Ivona. As I wrote in the book, it took me some time to get to the point of really feeling that high, but there’s nothing like a good hard run to give the heart and mind a boost!